Postpartum: What No One Told Me

There are a bunch of wonderful… but mostly awful things people tell you about what happens after delivery; I’m sure I don’t need to get into all the gory details… I would like to make a point to mention though, just like everything else with pregnancy, those icky, horrible things don’t necessarily happen to everyone so I wouldn’t spend time fretting over them until you’re actually experiencing them! No painful peeing, hemorrhoids, or that unspeakable “second delivery” when you go #2 for me. Ha and I swear I was pretty worried about that last one after the things I’d read. Like more scared of that then actually delivering my baby. Now there are some other things that I did experience that I didn’t even realize we’re a thing. 

1. Immediately after delivery my legs were SO shakey, like convulsing! Apparently it’s called “Labor Shakes” and is perfectly normal.  
2. The first few times I stood up I felt like I was in an episode of The Walking Dead and all my organs were falling out of my abdomen. Makes sense though, they all had been smushed up in my ribs due to the 8lb baby who had taken over residency. (I swear my stomach used to growl in between my boobs ha.) Once he was gone they could finally retake their normal positions and they wasted no time (literally) falling into place ha
3. Two words: night sweats. I’m not even someone who really sweats but OH MY GOSH did I have night sweats the first couple of weeks. 
4. Dry Eye Syndrome. Luckily I don’t wear contacts which could make this an even more annoying issue but my eyes are SO dry. They constantly feel as if I have no tears at all and are quickly shriveling up to nothing.
5. Postpartum Depression in dads. So this is totally a thing. Chappy was WAY more emotional after Waylen was born. Luckily it was all happy tears at commercials and puppies but one night I teased him that I thought I was supposed to be the depressed one which then peaked my interest so I googled and guess what? Postpartum depression in fathers is a real thing! 
6. The Linea Nigra does not just go away. I always figured it would start fading immediately after delivery and be gone within a few weeks. Nope. This bad boy is here to stay… at least for a while. Apparently they can last for months or years (or in rare cases– forever) after delivery. Breastfeeding also keeps them longer so I guess I should get used to my swiggly little friend. 
7. Speaking of weird things on your stomach, it may be abnormally tan compared to the rest of your body. Luckily this doesn’t last as long and will start fading a few weeks after delivery.
8. Itchy skin and/or armpits while breastfeeding. My neck and collar bone area would seriously get SO itchy when breastfeeding in the beginning but luckily it only lasted the first few weeks. Apparently it has something to do with the hormones released during letdown or something, who knows!
9. Boulders as boobs. Yes, I expected my boobs to get bigger what I didn’t expect was to get what I can only describe as porn star boobs. You know what I’m talking about.. like huge, fake, hard as rocks, abnormally perky… HA I swear. They eventually went down but I guess I now know what I’d look like with implants anddd that’s never going to happen 
10. Breastfeeding can be messy. While you’re waiting until your milk supply to even out you can really soak your baby. Like a milk shower… I’m telling you … it can REALLY spray ha who knew?! 
11. The thirst is real while breastfeeding. I could have just drank a gallon of water before nursing yet as soon as I started it would be as if I had spent the last 24 hrs. stranded on a desert island.
12. Hair loss. Basically you haven’t been losing hair the last 9-10 months so when your hormones get back to normal you shed like crazy. This hasn’t happen to me yet (it usually occurs around the 4 month mark) but I am currently still stuck in the “my hair doesn’t grow phase” which is very convenient for the whole shaving my legs deal. 
13. Phantom kicks. Remember those little flutters you felt in the beginning, well they can come back! Which then just makes you question if you were even feeling your baby to begin with, right?!

 
These are just a few of the many, MANY weird things that can happen post baby. Basically anything goes postpartum ha. Sometimes you swell, get acne, cramps, migraines, dry skin, hemorrhoids, body aches, and not to mention the fact that you literally are blessed with the longest period of your life. Seriously though I think you could go to your doctor with any crazy postpartum symptom and they’ll say it’s normal. Pregnancy and the aftermath can we awkward, uncomfortable, and just plain annoying. Trust me, it is not a glamorous situation but in the end you get an adorable tiny human that you LITERALLY MADE so it’s totally worth it! I promise!